Overwhelmed

I love my Hubby and always will. He is my best friend. He is a great Hubby and a really good Dad. He loves our kids more than anything and would do anything for them, if I'm not there to do it.

That's the problem.

I'm ALWAYS there to do everything.

He works outside of the house so he's not home during the day. Days and weeks that he works 12 hours a day, I leave him alone. On the days he either doesn't work, gets off early, or just had a normal 8 hour day, I think he should pitch in with the kids.

I drives me crazy that EVERY time we are getting ready to go somewhere, he magically disappears until I have gotten everyone ready. Happens everytime. Or when we are at a friends house and he just assumes I am taking care of the kiddo's 100% while he does what ever it is he is doing.

Not to long ago, this was our conversation:

Hubby: "Where's the kids?"

Me: "I don't know, weren't you watching them?"
I really did know where they were of course.

Hubby: "Of course not"
Ya, he fell right into that one.

Me: "EXACTLY!"
With a very dirty look tossed his way.

This is where some of the problems lie. I am "Mommy" 24/7. I don't go to work. I don't go to the golf course (w/o kids in tow). I don't get very many moments (if any) where I am just "April". He gets to be "Daddy" when he chooses. He has no problem leaving us at home to go play golf all day. He has no problem not watching the kids, so I can, while we are somewhere. That, to me, isn't fair. We both wanted children. If I left him with the kids all day (or even for 2 hours) so I could go do anything, he would freak out. Drives me crazy. His excuse is that, that is his down time. Well, where the hell is my down time cause I haven't seen it in a while. Or at least until now.

I started this blog because sometimes I need to just bitch about the little things and know someone else out there feels the same. When I bitch to (not at) him, I really wonder if he gets it. I don't think so. I am on this journey to find the woman I use to be because she got lost some where a few years ago. Then I want to introduce her to the woman I have become and hope they become good friends. I am slowly finding my way back to her. Hopefully soon, she will make her presence known and we can all be a lot happier with life and me not so damn overwhelmed.