Would you rather...Again

Edited at bottom.

It was obvious you couldn't get enough yesterday (by ALL the comments) so Tattooed Minivan Mom is doing some more today and I am once again participating. I'm loving this because right now, I got kids with snotty noses, bad coughs, puke, and so much more you don't want to know about. Colds on top of a stomach virus is not as much fun as it sounds. Plus, a cat that decided to pee on ALL our pillows. He's so lucky the kids love his stinky butt. I am now the proud owner of brand new pillows. I really needed something to laugh at and this hit the spot. It's been a very long week. Enjoy, and then go check hers and everyone elses out. Or check hers out and then come back and read mine. Either way, I'm good. Here ya go:

17. Jamie: Would you rather walk across hot coals or drive a nail through your foot? (What's with everyone's foot pain fascination?)

I'm going with RUN across hot coals. Don't want anything going through my foot.

18. Magpie: Would you rather have city street water splash on your bare feet (ew ew ew) or lick a shovel from a horse barn? (I had to be a smart ass and ask her if the shovel was brand new. It's not.)

Water on my feet. At least it's on the outside of my body.

19. Heather: Would you rather join a charlie horse orgy or take ten four-year-olds on a field trip to some ancient Indian burial grounds? (Hit the charlie horse orgy link, read the post and my comment for explanation if you're wondering. So much work today!)

4 year olds.

20. AngieDe apparently has way to much time on her hands to think about weird shit: Would you rather have to go pee ALL the time, or have to go pee really bad but never be able to go?

Go pee all the time. It really sucks when you gotta pee but can't.

21. Would you rather drown in Coke or Pepsi?

I guess Coke because I hate Pepsi.

22. Would you rather eat a bar of soap or drink a bottle of dish washing liquid?

Tattooed Minivan Mom had great logic so I'm going with her on the liquid.

23. Would you rather be stranded on an island alone or with someone you hate?

Someone I hate. It would pass the time plotting against them.

24. Angela: Would you rather papercut your eyeball or step on a nail?

Eyeball. Same reason as # 17.

25. Black Betty who knows she's a perv asks: Would you rather receive a golden shower or a roman shower? (I had to ask what the roman shower was. BTW, got the Black Betty song stuck in your head yet?)

I don't know what either is so I refuse to answer. Ok just found out. Ewww! Not getting turned on by either but when I got stung by a jelly fish I would have let Hubby pee on me where the horrable pain was. I didn't know at the time it would have helped.

26. Cyndy, a fellow Dysfunctional Mom wonders: Would you rather lick a frog or drink rusty water?

Depends what kind of frog. Some are pretty trippy to lick, so I hear.

27. Crackwhore, better known as Live.Love.Eat asks a very thought provoking question: As a blogger, would you rather be famous like Dooce and too busy to really connect with bloggers, or not so famous and have connections?

Not famous for sure. Gotta connect.

28. Hula: Would you rather live without water or electricity?

Water. I need electricity. It gets way to hot in Texas to not have AC.

29. Captain Dumbass: Would you rather shave your head with a cheese grater or be audited?

No matter what the other option is I'm probably always going to pick it over anything on my body being ripped to shreds with a cheese grater.

30. My new whacked out friend Sassy would like to throw in: Would you rather drink a gallon of dirty hot dog water OR a shot glass of foot sweat? (Her all-time fave she said. I wonder if she meant the question or the glass of foot sweat?)

That doesn't put a pretty picture in your head. I'm gonna go with hot dog water because foot sweat is just way too nasty.

31. Would you rather loose your 4 front teeth after bouncing your head off a cement curb OR get a paper cut on your eye? (I cracked up at the thought of a head bouncing off a curb. Like a basketball I wonder? I don't know. Never seen it done.)

I've done the first but my head didn't quite 'bounce'. SO.MUCH.PAIN. So I say paper cut in the eye.

32. Would you rather have explosive diarrhea OR uncontrolled vomiting?

Diarrhea. I can't stand to puke. Puking makes me puke.

33. Drama Mama came in on the last minute with this doozy: Would you rather have a Permanent Yeast Infection or Permanent Hemorrhoids?

Hemorrhoids. I would like to be able to have sex again and I can't with a yeast infection. We are learning so much about each other!

34. Ann asked : Would you rather be able to read your husband's mind? Or have him be able to read yours?

Read his. He doesn't even want to know what goes on in my head. He says I think too much. Is that bad or good?

35. Toni asked: Would you rather suffer from incurable baldness, everywhere, or wolfman's disease, everywhere?

Bald. Not shaving my legs all the time would be awesome! And you can buy a wig or a cool hat.

36. Would you rather share your house with a skunk or a porcupine?

I say skunk and have it desented. And I would name him Pepe Le Pew and buy a black and white cat.

37. Betty asked: Would you rather eat opossum roadkill (thats been jacked up) or bambi.

Bambi any day. My SIL cooks awesome deer meat. I think my dad is actually hunting as I type this.


TMM added another after I did this so I had to add it because I thought it was a great question.

38. Thought maybe I should add one of my own...being that it's my blog and all...not to be controversial or anything but purely for thoughts sake: Would you rather be able to say anything you want on your blog and risk offending people and/or losing readers or would you rather keep it edited?

Say what I want. If they don't like it then oh well. Their loss, not mine. I am not going to censor myself on here. That's why I have it. To just let it all out! The only person I actually 'know' that reads this is my Mom and she already knows everything about me, the good, the bad, and the cussing. And she loves me, faults and all.

Now back to cleaning up after sick kids and stupid cats!

Would you rather..

Tattooed Minivan Mom is doing a 'Would you rather..' game and I am joining in. There are some good questions. Go check her out for her answers and everyone else's. Here's mine:

1. Kat wants to know: Would you rather eat a cockroach or a bull nut?

I'm gonna go with cockroach. It seems smaller, but I'm no expert on bull nuts.

2. Brandy wonders: Would you rather not shower for a month or not brush your teeth for a month?

I am going with not brush my teeth for a month because of all the gum out there. There is no gum to cover the stink and filth on your body.

3. April asks: Would you rather....have to have sex everyday for a year straight or go six months without it? Knowing you HAVE to do it everyday VS. the anticipation of what is to cum in 6 months. (Get it? c.u.m. I was gonna post it as c.o.m.e. but that perv April said I HAD to put c.u.m. Sick I tell ya.)

I'm gonna say two things. First, I don't remember the conversation going down like that. :) and Second, 6 months without. I've done the everyday thing (to make a baby) and it became a chore and not so much fun.

4. Ashley wants to know all kinds of good stuff: Would you rather find true love or 1 million dollars?

I'm stealing TMM answer and saying the Million, because I already have true love.

5. Would you rather always have to say everything on your mind or never speak again?

Say everything on my mind. I couldn't handle not talking. Besides, I already say what's on my mind most of the time.

6. Would you rather know it all or have it all?

Have it all. Knowing it ALL would drive me crazy when talking to the less intelligent people.

7. Katie wonders: Would you rather have extremely bad tourettes or uncontrollable orgasms?

I'm gonna go with orgasms. That just sounds fun.

8. Would you rather skip Christmas for a year or skip your birthday for a year?

My birthday. I enjoy Christmas way to much with little ones running around.

9. Heather asks: Would you rather be followed by a cloud of dust or a cloud of gnats?

Dust for sure. I can't stand gnats trying to fly up my nose.

10. Michelle wants to gross you out: Would you rather eat a toenail omelet or a hair sandwich?

Toenail omelet. Choking on hair is awful and I could put a LOT of hot sauce on the omelet.

11. Would you rather lick the discharge from a cats eye or lick the dried spit from the corner of a teachers mouth?

That's just gross either way. I'm gonna go with spit. Discharge= to much yuck!!!!

12. Jennifer wants to know: Would you rather have dinner with the Obamas or go on a date with George Clooney?

The date any day. That was too easy.

13. and as an after thought she wanted to know...Would you rather be paralyzed or blind?

Paralyzed. I couldn't handle not seeing Hubby and the kids faces everyday.

And Jo-Jo cracked me up with this one. She even decided to answer it herself.
14. Jo-Jo said: Would you rather blog or sleep? (Both)

It depends what time I got up that morning. Sometimes blog, sometimes sleep.

15. G from Where's My Angels: Would you rather take a cheese grater to your sunburned back, or pour alcohol in a new hole in your toe:).....(Love the happy face at the end G.)

Alcohol on the toe for sure.

16. Yaya: Would you rather use the woods or a port-o-potty? (her hubby came up w/ that one!)

Woods. I choose that all the time over any public restroom.

So there ya go. Now go check everyone else's out and have a fun Friday!

HELP!!

Two updates at bottom.

Smiley locked me in my room (the stupid people who put in the door put it in backwards) and he is running around doing God knows what. I can't get out!! Everyone else is gone and I'm stuck!

I hope my Mom is close by so she can come save me. If not, I'm screwed! Anyone know how to pick this lock? Now he's crying for me to open the door. I CAN'T!! and he can't unlock it.

UPDATE:
I finally got it unlocked. I found an old insurance card and it did the trick.
Now, my door looks like this:

That wont be happening again.

Tattooed Minivan Mom said I should write a post on how to talk to a 2 year old threw a locked door. Here is how it went. (Luckily there are windows on the door.)

Smiley: MOMMA! OPEN THE DOOR!
Me: Sweety, unlock it.
Smiley: OPEN THE DOOR!
Me: Turn the button!
Smiley: Kinda tries while screaming. OPEN THE DOOR!
Me: I can't! Turn the button the other way. As I am trying to show him while he screams.
Smiley: Pees in floor because he thought it would be a good idea to do all this naked. OPEN THE DOOR!

After I get it open.

Smiley: Thank you Momma. I went pee pee.
Me: Your welcome and thanks for the mess. I didn't have enough going on already.
Smiley: Your welcome Momma.

Second update:

I'm not the only one (thank God), go read Buried with Children's post about it. At least I wasn't locked out in the cold. And I laughed because it wasn't me, so I forgive everyone that laughed at me.

Writing Assingment

So, today's writing assignment by Mama Kat at Mama's Losin' It that I am choosing, is to"Write a light hearted piece on how to get along with an enemy". I will tell you how to NOT deal with the enemy and how to deal. This should be interesting. I'm always changing it to meet my needs.



I only have one person I would call an 'enemy' and she isn't really anymore, I think. That is my ex-husbands wife.



Don't get me wrong. I am NOT jealous of her in any way. I am actually so happy they got together. It got him off my back. I left him and if not for her, he would have kept on bugging me.



Anyway, she is a total bitch! For 2 years, I had to deal with her and hear how I am not being a good Mom. Let me just say, she had NO kids of her own. I kept telling myself, "One day, she will have her own and realize what it is really about!" She had a part time (kinda) step-son and didn't have a clue.



One time, when I was arguing with my ex-mother-in-law (who now loves me) the step-bitch (not my words, the lawyers) grabbed my arm and twisted it. This did not go down well at all. She grabbed my left arm and I am right handed. So ya, naturally, I hit her. Self defense. I should add, I was 5 months pregnant and had just gotten off bed rest, so major self defense.



She thanked me and I said YOUR WELCOME! Damn, it felt good. She did press charges, but nothing ever happened with it. They knew it was a stupid claim.



Well, I didn't talk to her for almost 5 years after that. If I'd of known that was going to happen, I would have hit her sooner! J/K. Actually, I might have. But, now after 5 years of not speaking, we get along and can talk on the phone without getting all pissed at each other. She now has a beautiful baby girl with my ex and she stays out of my business. She actually said, get ready to laugh really hard, "This baby wont change my life at ALL." HA HA HA! News flash!! She learned her baby isn't 'part time'!



So my 'Light hearted way of dealing with an enemy is....' wait till they have their own kid, or just hit them.



Or you could just ignore them until they get a clue, but sometimes that takes too damn long!

Wordless Wednesday...Zues

My other Baby, Zues. (I know his name is spelled wrong. That's how I wanted it.)

He was my very wonderful, loving lap dog that is no longer with us. He was a great dog and family member. He is always missed.


For more Wordless Wednesdays (even though mine has words), go check out Punky Monkey's. You will find some good pictures along with some good blogs.

I so cried just posting this.

Also, Gwen at Confessions of a Control Freak has updated her giveaway and made it even better! Go check it out!

My Dad

I thought it would be appropriate to tell you about my Dad today since it is Veterans Day.

He is a Vietnam Vet. He never talks about it and the little I know, I either heard it from my Mom or saw pictures he took while there when I was snooping in their room. Yes, I snooped. Who didn't? He did not wait for the draft, instead, enlisted on his own. He is a very proud man and should be. He served our country because he believes in it. He has had many problems because of his time spent there but continues to go on every day without expecting a hand out. He has made me one proud daughter.

There is so much more to him though.

He is an amazing Dad and always has been. He has ALWAYS been there for me when I needed him most and even when I thought I didn't. I have wonderful childhood memories thanks to him and my Mom. He was home with us when he should have been and didn't go out to bars or anything.

He would take me hunting, fishing, bowling, camping, to the lake... and the list goes on. He always made sure we had a good time. He was the one to teach me how to play softball and was my batting coach. He always put us first.

Some of my favorite memories.

Throwing up in his plane and him chunking it out the window (it smelled really bad).

Him wearing the ugliest clip-on tie in the world with a t-shirt to a soccer tournament because I gave it to him for Fathers Day (as a joke, the joke was on me).

Beating the gar he cought while bow fishing.

Helping him build a fense at the deer lease.

Learning how to ski in his boat and driving said boat.

Catching a big bass with a gummy worm and having to throw it back because it was pregnant (I think he just didn't want to clean it).

Only hearing his voice when I was in the batters box.

His compasion when he found out I was 16 and pregnant.

Playing golf with him and laughing so hard we couldn't even swing the club.

Him holding my children for the first time.

Digging threw junk yards looking for old car parts.

Thanking him for my favorite doll (Sally) when I found out about Santa Clause.


I could go on forever but I wont.

He has helped teach me to be and do anything I put my mind to. I am blessed that I married a man a lot like him. I would say 'just' but I tend to compare Hubby to him a lot when Hubby pisses me off. It's Hubby's fault though, he askes "What man wouldn't do that?" and I tell him. My Dad, that's who.

He has so many great qualities about him and some that just annoy me. Mainly because I am a lot like him. I am stubborn, a smart ass, emotional, hate to admit when I am wrong and really love my family just like him. One of the only things I would change about my life are some of the things I have said to him when I was younger. I would not be who I am today without him. He is a good ole country boy that raised me right. He still comes to my rescue whenever I need him and I know he always will. Whether it be a busted up alternator in my car or a broken heart.

I am very proud of my Dad for serving our country and for being the man he was and still is to this day. I have often said, He has to live forever because I don't think I could handle life without him. I love him more than I could ever show him.

His favorite quote: "Freedom has a taste, the protected will never know."

Toot

I was looking threw my stuff and realize I write about Toot or show pictures of her more than the other two. It's not that she is my favorite. It's because she is so funny to me. And she loves having her picture taken. So more stuff to write and show.

Anyway, here is her story.

When I married Hubby, we immediately started to try and get pregnant. The doc's didn't know how long I would be able to get pregnant or if I even could so we tried our hardest. It took a long 11 months to finally get pregnant. We didn't do invetro or anything like that, just the old fashioned way. It was very hard on me because some months I would have pregnancy symptoms big time and then they would just go away. We decided that the egg was being fertilized, just not implanting. Some months I would be obsessed with trying, and others I felt like just giving up.

December of 03 was very hectic and stressful. I was working, Hubby wasn't, Xmas being broke, visiting family, and replacing a motor in our car 8 hours away from home. Hubby started a new job on the 1st of Jan. and he worked 7/12's at night. There goes my chance for making a baby. We didn't even see each other any more. Then on January 12th, I thought to myself, When am I suppose to start? I think it was yesterday.

So trying not to be excited, I went and peed on a stick. Wait, did we even have sex last month? Oh yes, twice. I was pregnant!! Woke Hubby up and then we called everyone we knew to tell them the good news.

Labor was very fast and Hubby never even saw me in pain. By the time he got there, I had just received my epidural. Lucky guy. He thought it was just the easiest thing in the world for a woman to do. He later learned the truth with Smiley, not a fast and easy labor.

So we took her home and it has been a riot every since. She has been very animated since birth. She makes the funniest faces. She has always been right in every ones business as long as I can remember.

She has taught me so much over these last 4 years. She is so positive and always sees the good in things and people. She always tells people how pretty they are and that she likes their dress/shoes/purse/hair whatever. One time when she was about 2 1/2, she told a very old woman at Wal-Mart that she had a pretty dress and was a princess. She smile on that woman's face was still there when I saw her again 30 minutes later. And at the bank the other day, she told the woman working there that she loved her hair. Once again, she made someones day. It's the little compliments she hands out that make someone feel so good about themselves. If only everyone would do that.

I try to do that now when I am somewhere. Just a little comment and that person feels better and so do I. I never did that until I saw how happy Toot made people. She truly loves everyone no matter what they look like. Pretty/ugly/fat/skinny/tall/short/different race/handicap/young/old. They are all the same to her. God creatures that she only sees the good in. I have often said 'If we would just act like a bunch of toddlers, this would be a much happier world'.

I fear one day she will grow out of this but for now, she is one of the sweetest people I have ever known. She has personally made me a better person and I thank her for that.

She is also very stubborn, silly, independent, and demanding. Some of those can drive me crazy at times but mostly she is just sweet.

I was scared when I found out she was a girl. I was raised with 4 brother and was/is a major tom-boy. I didn't wear dresses and would rather wear jeans and a t-shirt. I don't like wearing make-up and don't really do anything to fix my hair. What was I going to do with a girl?

She is a lot like me but likes to do it all with her princess dresses on. She loves to play in the dirt and climb trees but does it looking very pretty. She loves to help her Daddy down in the shop and doesn't care if she gets her pink shirt greasy. She can do anything a boy can do, and probably better. She loves to chase Little Man with frogs and bugs and feel like the tough one of the house. And she loves to cuddle up at night and be my baby girl.

She is the perfect girl and she is my favorite daughter.

Tattle Tales and Stinky Butts

How do you deal with a child that is a tattle tale? Toot is the worlds worst and is driving me crazy! This annoying little trait began when she started school. All day I hear "Smiley did ... and Smiley's doing ..." How do I get her to stop?

On a funny note. When Smiley is poopy or when Toot toots, we say they have a stinky butt. Toot always calls Tinker Bell Tinky Bell. Today, Smiley decided to change Tinks name (can you see where I am going with this?) to Tinky Butt. I don't know if he's just trying to be funny or if he is just trying to really piss off Toot but he has been successful at both.

So now all I am hearing (in a very whiny voice) is, "Smiley's calling Tinky Bell Tinky Butt. Tell him to stop."

So in my attempt to stop the whining and her tattling I say, while laughing, "Smiley, don't say Tinky Butt. It's Tinky Bell has a stinky butt."

Smiley ran away while laughing and Toot did not think that was funny at all. I got a very dirty look.

Feeling the Love

There is a bee flying around me (my biggest fear) so if some of this doesn't make sense, it's because I'm kinda distracted.

Anyway, Gwen over at Confessions of a Control Freak was so sweet and awarded me an award. I have been commenting back and forth with her lately and am so glad to have 'met' her. Thank you so much. I feel special. Here it is:

The qualifications to receive the award are:

A. Display a cheerful attitude. I try

B. Love one another. I will

C. Make mistakes. That one I know I can do

D. Learn from others. Check

E. Be a positive contributor to the blog world. I try

F. Love life. I do

G. Love kids. I do oh so much

The Rules:

1. Must link it back to the creator (I can't read it good enough, sorry)

2. Post the rules

3. Choose 5 people to give it to

4. Recipients must fill the characteristics above

5. Create a post to share this

6. You must thank the winner

Here are my picks of wonderful women to award this to:

Carrin at Carrins Comments

Toni at A daily Dose of Toni

Lazy Crazy Mama

Tena at Punky Monkey's

Mariah at Manic Mariah

I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Now, I've got a bee to take care of.

Rules?

The give aways are posted on the post before this (because I like breaking rules).

So apparently there are 'rules' to blogging but I am confused. Not hard to do sometimes.

I read on one blog that said you should post pictures.
Then on another, it said don't. And if you do, let the pictures speak for themselves. Sometimes, there are funny stories behind the pictures. For instance, don't you wish you knew the story behind this:

Then another said, 'keep it short and funny'.
But right after that, I read, 'Tell a story, preferably funny.' Sorry, I'm not a 'writer' and sometimes (ok, a lot) not that funny.

Ads or no ads? When I put AdSense on there, I started getting viruses so I took it off. I don't know how to do anything else.

Private or not? To be or not to be, that is the question.

Kids real names or not? I don't because; 1, there are certain people from my past I DON'T want finding me (and my kids names are unusual. Not like Apple, but easy to find on-line.), and 2, the little names I gave them is actually what we call them.

Don't post more than once in a day. Does it really matter how much I post in that day or should I try and convince you that I can wait until another day to say it? When something funny/crappy/cool happens I think of going to the computer and telling my new friends about it. Is that wrong to post it when it is fresh in my mind?

So confusing!!!

I love going back and reading peoples blogs when they just started (Mama Kat) and seeing the transformation from 1 comment here and there to 50 comments every day. I still don't get how you did that. Any advise is welcome, but if I have to follow strict rules then that takes all the fun out of it. Or at least a lot of it.

*Did I use italics too much?* See? More rules!